Sink or swim, right? Whether it’s a parent dropping their kid off at college for the first time, or bringing that brand new baby home from the birthing center, something has got to give…. and in my particular case, motherhood changed my life.
Yeah, yeah… motherhood does that to everyone, right? Well, this case is a little different…
A mental illness known as schizoaffective disorder (diagnosed in grade school) was already running the show my life in many instances. When I was unexpectedly transferred to a hospital during labor with my first born, they sent a social worker to question me and assess my abilities (fair).
The Cringeworthy “Before”
With that being said, it’s not at all dramatic to declare that motherhood changed my life in a non-traditional way…
Before I became a mother:
- I was baker acted multiple times for attempts on my life with both shorter (a few days) and longer (up to five months) hospital stays
- Found myself arrested and jailed for a month
- Was at times unable to care for myself, much less someone else
- Would randomly take myself off much-needed prescriptions because I “didn’t need them anymore”
- and the list goes on
Motherhood Changed My Life
There are mothers that aren’t changed by motherhood.
Then there are mothers that lose themselves in motherhood.
While I sincerely hope to fall somewhere in between, thankfully it has been a healthful change for me to become a mother (despite naysayers who thought I should never have kids of my own).
Motherhood changed my life.
It allowed me to find:
- Healthful balance between managing my mental health and keeping my freedom
- A bit more maturity
- The will to survive and fight my illness when it feeds me lies
- Reasons to stay on my prescriptions even when I despise them
As for maturity, I’ve changed.
Not in the “grew up” traditional sense, but in the developing better coping skills sense. You can read more about some coping skills I use HERE. Continuing to take my prescriptions as prescribed has been a huge part of that. I’ve learned to ask for (and accept) help as needed. To open up more about problems. And to lean more on the amazing community around me when things aren’t going well.
Motherhood changed me in a huge way for the better. Even though I still struggle with my mental illness, I have more hope, more courage, more determination than ever.
Did motherhood change you? Let me know in the comments below!
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
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