When Mental Illness Sabotages Your Witness

Angry outbursts. Lack of memory. Mood fluctuations. When mental illness sabotages your witness, it can be tempting to “throw in the towel”, blame the illness, and accept that things will never get better.

Only that’s not true.

Writing this from the pits of depression, and slowly climbing out from the bottom of that deep, dark well (an analogy my prior therapist used to use) I’m here to tell you that when they say “it takes a village”, that’s not just for the sake of raising a baby. That’s also for the parents raising the child… because we were created for community. We need support, and people around us.

The Mission Field

Just this past Sunday morning the pastor at my church preached on what it looks like to love the Lord and experience His love for us… and at the end of his sermon, he showed a short video. A mother who had donated her son’s heart (the son had become brain-dead I believe due to an accident) to a heart attack patient got to hear her son’s heart again, beating within the heart attack patient’s chest. I 100% cried… but our pastor ended with something along the lines of, “can people hear Jesus’ heart in you?” Meaning, are you reflecting Jesus in what you say and do?

Especially lately, the answer to that is a solid, “NO”.

A week or so prior, my Bible study group discussed how our homes ARE our mission fields. We don’t have travel (unless called) to reach that field… we are there. Our children, our families, and those we see and talk to in our day-to-day life are looking for answers. And they are looking to Christians like you and me, to see if we have those answers.

When I “fly off the handle”, is that a good demonstration of Jesus?

Lacking memory seems so innocent… until I forget and fail to keep my word. Is that what Jesus looks like?

If they see my erratic mood, are they seeing Jesus?

Although I can explain (I suffer with a diagnosed mental illness), does that resolve the issue? I think not. When mental illness sabotages your witness, it’s easy to pass the blame. It’s hard to stand up and say, “through Christ who strengthens me, I can do better”. This does NOT mean we won’t mess up. It DOES mean we are making an effort.

Constantly feel like you are “juggling” your mental illness, symptoms, and everyday life? The Juggler is a great analogy to help explain to family and friends what you are experiencing.

Does Mental Illness Sabotage Your Witness?

Greatly concerned (especially lately) about my increasing symptoms and decreasing control, I reached out to my pastor, essentially explaining my concerns about mental illness and being a witness for Jesus. His thoughtful answer was to reassure me that his “study of God’s Word has led [him] to the conclusion that God only holds us responsible for what we have the ability to do or not do.”

Although I tend to agree with that statement, I must clarify that only God and we ourselves are truly aware of our abilities and our capacity to follow the Bible.

So, now to the big question.

When mental illness sabotages your witness, what do you do?

And I think it’s a case by case basis, however…

Through prayer and careful consideration and Bible study, PERSONALLY, I believe that we need to take ownership that there is a problem. If we profess to be Christians yet are always “two-faced” and not reflecting Jesus, then that is an issue right there.

BUT.

Mental illness does not absolve us of trying to do better. Of trying (within our power and with Jesus’ strength) to improve.

The Rebound: Handling the Situation

When mental illness sabotages your witness, here are a few suggestions for potential steps to take (CAAPS for memory’s sake):

Consult your doctor or psychiatrist to see if there are additional steps you can take, like medication changes
Admit you were wrong (to those who saw and to Jesus) even if it felt beyond your control
Ask for forgiveness (both from those who saw and in prayer)
Pray for the wisdom and strength to improve
Seek help from a licensed counselor or therapist, especially one who professes to share your faith

Most of all, don’t allow this to tear you apart. All too often I have felt responsible for “destroying my family from the inside out”. But in truth, holding on to this devastation only makes it worse. When I feel (or act) out of control, seeking help (from Jesus and from those He provides like licensed therapists and psychiatrists) is the only true solution I see.

For unknown reasons, Jesus has allowed me to have mental illnesses. With that responsibility on my shoulders, I STILL need (and want) to represent Jesus. When mental illness sabotages your witness, how you handle it will likely determine how people see you when it’s all said and done. Do you take ownership of the problem and try to do better? Or do you shrug it off and let people “walk on eggshells” until the next explosion?

I’ve done it both ways, and I’m here to tell you that the infinitely better solution (even though it doesn’t eliminate the illness) is CAAPS (referenced above). We weren’t designed to fight this battle alone.

Do you struggle when mental illness sabotages your witness, too? How do you handle it? Let me know in the comments below.