If you grew up babysitting other children, or your siblings, you were ahead of me in the motherhood preparation game practice and nurturing instinct wise …
In an unexpected turn of events, my husband and I moved back to our hometown, and I went from never having babysat a child alone in my life to helping babysit a six year old several times a week.
After awhile, I was confident enough to babysit Little Six alone, but it took a lot of encouragement.
The Moral of the Story:
Not having grown up around children, or being involved in caring for children, I was nervous around young kids. But after lots of loving guidance from more experienced adults than me, I regularly babysit Little Six.
Nurturing, mothering instincts may not come naturally for all women or even mothers – I’m still working on developing mine – but they can be learned.
Although I am honest with my mother-in-law and tell her I have to “work at” being nurturing and mothering, she says she cannot tell that it’s a practiced effort.
Just being a woman doesn’t guarantee you nurturing, mothering instincts. You are not flawed if yours are lacking or nonexistent.
What I’ve Learned:
If you’ve been following this journey, you know that four years into marriage, my husband and I started trying to have children of our own (but have not yet). (Why We Decided (After Four Years) We Wanted Children – Despite Mental Illness).
From being totally clueless (I learned how to burp a baby when I was in my mid-twenties) to babysitting a six year old several times a week, I’ve come a long way in the nurturing, mothering space.
I learned …
- Acting as if you feel mothering or nurturing might feel fake at first, but over time it can develop into true nurturing.
- Let the child guide. It may feel awkward to play with the child, or even to give them a hug, but as soon as they are old enough to walk and talk they can help you know exactly what they want … whether that be more treats, or how you’re supposed to play a game. Children have wonderful imaginations, and can bring you into their world – just forget what everyone else thinks and follow their leading.
- Follow the example of more experienced adults. Sometimes you just need to flex those muscles a bit and learn by doing!
- Prayer is a great way to ask for help. Whether the help is with developing your instincts or just getting through the [babysitting] day, even those who don’t necessarily believe in a Creator might find some solace with prayer.
Nurturing, mothering instincts may not come immediately, especially if you have not yet had children and are babysitting for someone else (as I am), but that doesn’t mean you have to struggle forever.
Flex those muscles, learn by doing, and let me know in the comments below if there is something else that has helped you develop nurturing, mothering instincts if you didn’t have them previously!
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
[…] instincts (something I worked on developing during pregnancy, you can read more about that over at From Clueless to Developing Nurturing Instincts) and not having been around babies hardly at all, babies were scary, unfamiliar, and would change […]