Sitting here reading this, you probably know what a huge decision children are.
Somehow, that huge decision gets even bigger when there is mental illness involved.
So many questions need to be answered before that decision is even made.
Will I be able to care for my children?
If not, who will care for my children when I am incapable?
Will my children inherit my mental illness?
And even before those questions, questions for pregnancy:
Will I be able to continue taking my medications?
What is the risk to the fetus? What is the risk to me?
If unable to continue medications, how will I remain stable?
Do I have a doctor who is supportive of me?
The list of questions could probably continue indefinitely, but that’s not the point of this post.
My husband and I have decided we want to have children.
Not that there was ever a question in his mind … but there were questions in mine. Questions like the above, and many more.
Deciding we want to have children is not a decision we made lightly.
So, why did we decide (after four years of marriage) that we wanted to have children?
- I have been stable for multiple years (on medication)
- Both my psychiatrist and OB-GYN are supportive and closely monitoring the situation
Then there are other, non-mental health related reasons …
- We want and love children (the reason wanting children was in question before was solely due to my illness)
- We have been in a relationship (4 years dating, 4 months engaged, 4 years married) long enough to have a stable, supportive relationship before children will come into the picture.
- We have steady income now
- We have a stable home environment (we have been living in the same apartment for multiple years as of this writing)
- We have plenty of support from family and friends
Again, the list could continue, but those are the major points.
We know children will change our lives forever. The road we are on is about to take sharp turn, and our lives will be very different once children are in the picture … but we welcome the change. Things are wonderful now, and we have embraced these years together, but we are ready to start a family.
If you have mental illness, do you have children, or want to have children? Does your reasoning look like mine, or is it very different?
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional of any kind, nor have I ever been one. This is not to be construed as medical advice. If you have questions or concerns, please address them with your doctor. Your doctor can help you decide the best path for you on your unique journey.
Christian, wife, “hybrid” mama, I run the site All Behind A Smile to help others like me.
[…] If you’ve been following this journey, you know that four years into marriage, my husband and I started trying to have children of our own (but have not yet). (Why We Decided (After Four Years) We Wanted Children – Despite Mental Illness). […]